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You Might be an Expediter

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Comedian Jeff Foxworthy is famous for his "you might be a redneck" routine. People in many career fields have followed his lead and developed occupational versions of the same shtick. So expediters won't feel left out ...

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy is famous for his "you might be a redneck" routine. People in many career fields have followed his lead and developed occupational versions of the same shtick. So expediters won't feel left out ...

If you check into hotels but do not stay, you might be an expediter.

If you can't wait to get home, and then can't wait to leave, you might be an expediter.

If your in-laws invite you to stop in anytime, and you do, you might be an expediter.

If you think washing your underwear is tax deductible, you might be an expediter.

If you have a favorite bathroom in 48 states, you might be an expediter.

If your dispatcher says to get a life, and you ask for the pick up address, you might be an expediter.



If your idea of interior decorating includes new windshield curtains, you might be an expediter.

If the covered serving platter on a banquet table reminds you of a Qualcomm dome, you might be an expediter.

If you feel really good because you're getting the runs, you might be an expediter.

If you've memorized the menus of eight fast food restaurants, you might be an expediter.

If you tour a museum and like the clean bathrooms the best, you might be an expediter.

If you'd choose a night behind the wheel over a day behind the desk, you might be an expediter.

If you've spent at least one Thanksgiving at Canadian customs, you might be an expediter.

If you drive to church in a 40 foot truck, you might be an expediter.

If you make wrong turns on purpose so the GPS will talk to you, you might be an expediter.

If you're parked with other six trucks and are told you're the only one, you might be an expediter.

If you never leave home without duct tape, you might be an expediter.

If your idea of spring cleaning includes coloring the letters on your tires, you might be an expediter.

If you carry seven forms of identification, you might be an expediter.

If you brush your teeth in one state and shower in another, you might be an expediter.

If you forgot how to tie the one tie you own, you might be an expediter.

If you take a vacation to work on your truck, you might be an expediter.

If you use your wife's pantyhose to clean the bugs off your hood, and she doesn't miss them, you might be an expediter.

If you get called in to haul emergency freight and wait six hours for it to be found, you might be an expediter.

If you buy baby wipes by the case but have no children at home, you might be an expediter.

If you say you're a "straight"-truck driver and your brother-in-law wonders if you might really be gay, you might be an expediter.

If you know your miles per hour, miles per gallon and miles per restroom stop, you might be an expediter.

If you think you did good because you got three showers this week, you might be an expediter.

If you often have to ask what state you're in, you might be an expediter.

If you think 300 miles is a short trip, you might be an expediter.

If you enter a building through the front door, and feel like you did something wrong, you might be an expediter.

If you think having a good hair day means wearing a hat, you might be an expediter.

If you've developed a scale of one to 10 to rank windshield bug splats, you might be an expediter.

If you know how to bake a potato under the hood, you might be an expediter.

If there's no such thing as too many plastic bags, you might be an expediter.

If you can only sleep with the motor running, you might be an expediter.

If you're prohibited from talking about the most interesting stuff you haul, you might be an expediter.

If your last six meals came from a can or a bag, you might be an expediter.

If you know the TV stations in ten different cities, you might be an expediter.

If you sleep in your truck when it's parked at home , you might be an expediter.

If you see prison cells on TV and envy the space, you might be an expediter.

If you're riding a bike and the "No Trucks" sign makes you nervous, you might be an expediter.

If you've learned how to sit perfectly still on an auto-flush toilet, you might be an expediter.

If you keep your bread in the top cupboard with your good shoes, you might be an expediter.

If a water fountain that works is a blessing you count, you might be an expediter.

If your grandchildren buy you a spill-proof cup, you might be an expediter.

If you deliver urgent freight that no one wants, you might be an expediter.

If you keep a snow shovel handy every month of the year, you might be an expediter.

If you have killed with your truck at least six mammals, six reptiles and one billion insects, you might be an expediter.

If you fire up a reefer and don't get high, you might be an expediter.

If you can spell Albuquerque, Worcester, and Coeur d'Alene without looking them up, you might be an expediter.

If a diesel bear in a pickle park makes sense to you, you might be an expediter.

If you weave over the rumble strip to play a little tune, you might be an expediter.

If you take your fishing pole with you every day to work, you might be an expediter.

If most everyone you meet envies the freedom you have and the life you live, you might be an expediter.

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Thanks to Jeff Jensen (God rest his soul) and members of the ExpeditersOnline.com Open Forum for inspiring this piece.

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